Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Although I often write quite open and personal posts on here, this one is going to be particularly intimate.

Around this time last year, I was in the most amazing place mentally. I had just started to get over the anxiety that had been holding me back for the past year and a half, I'd just started working a job I loved, I had a pretty good social life, and I'd just started dating a rather lovely man. Every day I felt so present and grateful and content; I literally felt like the happiness could burst out of me in great rays of golden light.

Not long after the new year, I stopped working at that job (an unfortunate thing that comes with being taken on as Christmas staff), my social life dissipated along with my main friendship, and before long the anxiety had crept back in. After that, I never quite got back to the head space I'd been in before. I tried to be more present, more grateful, I tried meditating, yoga, exercising, busying myself with blogging, but nothing quite cut it. I was stuck in a rut, and although my positivity would return on occasion, it was fleeting at best, and I always ended up slipping back into my unhappy and anxious state.

Add to that the stress of exams and decisions about the future, and my relationship with that lovely man becoming long-distance when he moved away for university, and I was really struggling. I just couldn't seem to pick myself up, but I kept trying, and after a few months of stress, anxiety and more tears than I care to mention, I decided to see my situation as a turning point; a point from which to try and get back to where I was.

Just looking back over photos from that time last year and listening to the music I listened to then and remembering how I felt became such a huge motivator for me to keep trying. Lately I've been really focusing on the frame of mind I was in and how I got there, and although my circumstances were a big factor in that, I've come to realise that I don't have to have certain things or be in certain circumstances to feel that way again. I simply have to be appreciative of everything I have and everything I am experiencing now. It's something I've been working on for a while now, and although it's taken nearly a year, I'm finally starting to get back to that wonderful, happy and alive place. The positive days are slowly starting to outweigh the down days, I feel more confident, I'm talking to people more and with greater ease, I'm no longer shying away from opportunities I'm presented with, and I actually feel excited about the changes that are coming my way.

The main focus of this post is that ultimately, if you keep trying, eventually it will pay off. You may feel that your efforts are getting you nowhere, that you're stuck in this hole and there's no way of getting out of it, but if you're persistent and you keep going, no matter how much you might want to give up, everything will slowly start to come together, until one day you find yourself looking back and realising just how much has changed and how much of a better position you're in now.

Just don't ever stop trying, because it's so worth it in the end.



(Image source)

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